Thirsty?

They did not thirst when He led them through the deserts; He made water flow for them from the rock; He split the rock and water gushed out. Isaiah 48:21

I tried to do my math homework over my lunch break at work. I had my calculator, my favorite pen, lots of scrap paper and my textbook, but, I couldn’t do it. I had just read the chapter on regression the day before, but, when I looked at the problems I had no clue as to how to even begin the calculations. I forgot to bring my notebook that contained all of the formulas and my barely decipherable scratch mark notes on how to make them work. Reading the chapter and staring at the textbook did me no good. I was lost without my cheat sheet. Even I was stunned by my lack of comprehension for a subject I have been studying with diligence and determination for more than eight weeks. I feel I have made no progress, whatsoever.

Each chapter of the text book has several pages of sample problems to complete. In typical math book fashion, the appendix at the back of the book contains the answers for the odd numbered questions. I categorically, absolutely and resolutely refuse to do the even numbered problems because I can’t check my answers. I don’t like going through this blind. I need constant reassurance that the right answer can be found somewhere.

Going through life solely on trust is harder than it sounds. I want answers, I want comprehension, I want plans, I want knowledge of outcomes I want an easy ride and I want spectacular results. I want, I want, I want. . .

But God says, “Trust Me.”

I spoke with a friend today who marvels at the strength of people who care for family members with chronic illness. She tells me that she knows about this faith stuff and everything, but, still believes she couldn’t handle the tough situation. Yet, what she has shared of her life tells me her faith is helping her handle quite a bit. Her faith and her resilience are stronger than she thinks. God is giving her just what she needs, when she needs it.

Sometimes God does not plant us by a river. Instead He parcels out water at opportune moments. It flows into our lives from unexpected places, at just the right time and in just the right amount. Sure it would be easier if we just lived by a clear stream of refreshing water. However, given our propensity to make ourselves god, we would come to believe that we were supplying all our own needs through our own hard work. Then we would never know how dependent we are on Him. We would never realize the joy of receiving a gift when it is most needed.

It would be easier if I could just understand statistics. It would be easier if I knew where God was headed with my life. It would be easier if many things were true; but it wouldn’t be better.

I will take my stats test with my trusty notebook full of formulas. I will get the grade I get and, one way or another, I will survive this class. God will provide the water, when I need it.

And while I wait to see what plans He has for me, I will learn even more about how much I need Him.

In my Bible reading I found a trickle of water from a prophet with a doomsday message:

The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

Good and Faithful Servant

I wrote this devotion just a week shy of a year ago. My friend, David, was called home to Jesus yesterday. I know his suffering is done, his pain is gone, and he rests in the arms of his Savior. We join with his family in grieving over our loss but also in thankfulness for God’s gift to David of a life of Christian love and witnessing. God is good.

Abba Father, please surround his family with your love and comfort.

About the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” that is, “My God, my God why have you forsaken me?”

Matthew 27: 45 ESV

And one of them at once ran and took a sponge, filled it with sour wine, and put it on a reed and gave it to Him to drink. Matthew 27:48 ESV

Then Jesus, calling out with a loud voice, said, “Father, into Your hands I commit my spirit!” Luke 23: 46 ESV

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

Agape Love

The infection had made its way to his blood, his fever was high, and after more than 20 years of the ravages of Multiple Sclerosis the prognosis for a meaningful recovery were very slim. The bracelet on his arm read DNR and the empty IV bags indicated that the treatment was for everything but pain, had been stopped.

He was thirsty. The fever and the effort of breathing used up all available moisture in his body. He was so very thirsty. A family member took a sponge on a stick and put it into his mouth. The water on his parched tongue felt good. His lips closed tightly around the stick.

Jesus was thirsty at his death. The sponge lifted to His lips contained vinegar. It brought no comfort. He cried “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” and commended His spirit to His Father.

We have commended our friend and loved one to our Heavenly Father’s care. If this is his time for death, then, it is a good death. In the critical care room at the hospital he is not surrounded by nurses and beeping machines. He is not surrounded by soldiers and enemies. He is surrounded by family and friends, holding his hand, adjusting his pillow, bringing him comfort and care. He is surrounded by a cloud of witnesses as he finishes the race marked out for him; as he looks to Jesus.

His medicine puts him to sleep; offering him respite. When he wakes he sees faces of loved ones all around. As he rests their reminiscing remind him of the stories of his life. It was a good life. It is a good death.

The room is filled with people coming and going, with hugs and hand holding. There are moments of quiet, there are tears, but there is much laughter, too. He was a good and faithful servant. He is ready.

The Pastor stands at the side of the bed. He asks permission to give this child of God back to his Father. The answer is “yes.” One by one, each family member takes his hand and commends him to the faith they share. They set aside their grief to give him permission to let go of their hands and to take the hand of his Savior.

It is hard to call Jesus’ death a good death. He was forsaken, beaten, tormented, in indescribable pain, and weighed down by the burden of our sin. But it was a good death. It was an agape death; God’s perfect love right before our eyes.

Agape means my friend will also have a good death, as will his family members. For now, they will grieve over him and miss him, knowing that agape love will bring them together again, one day, in the arms of Jesus.

Be Careful

I was reading the chapter six in my stats textbook which is an introduction to probability. I didn’t think I needed an introduction to this word having been a teacher and a mother for more than 20 years:

Mom, can my friend spend the night?

Probably.

Teacher, if it stops raining can we go out for recess?

Probably.

See what I mean? I have used the word well over the years. My life experience caused me to approach the practice problems in the back of the chapter with unusual confidence; until I saw question number three:

3. What is the probability of selecting a score greater than 45 from a positively skewed distribution with M=40 and SD=10?

The question itself is more of that stats gobbled-gook that I happily ignore but it was the warning after the question that caught my eye:

(be careful.)

The author of my stats text does not have to worry. I am doing my best to be careful in that class.

In my Bible reading for today I found the following verse that has its own warning:

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for He is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and He relents from sending calamity. Joel 2:13

Because our God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, we can be careful to rend our hearts and not our garments. The stats question was a trick question but God does not trick. He doesn’t want actors who make a show of repentance; tearing clothes and dramatically vowing to repent only to proceed to repeat previous behavior. He wants us to rend our hearts. He wants us to expose ourselves to Him. He wants us to be vulnerable to His love and grace. Then we can feel His abounding love.

I have some good friends sitting in a hospital family room making decisions about a loved one’s care. The statements of probability they hear from the doctor are not good. Their hearts are exposed to their God and they are vulnerable to His love and grace. The decisions they will make are serious and real and so they are being careful.

They are a large and loving family. Their father is being tended to by doctors and nurses and their mother gathers with her daughters and sons. They have each other and this is no small thing: together they pray for their husband, father and grandfather. Together they explain to their children what is happening and together they share their strong faith. Together they work and plan and and sigh and cry as new news from the doctor brings new decisions to be made.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God, Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12: 1-3

They are not alone. This family forms a cloud of witnesses around their husband and father and their friends gather around them in prayer. Hovering above, around and in, this circle of children of God is their heavenly father loving and caring for them. This verse does not tell them to “be careful.” It tells them to throw off their coats and run. It tells them to do this with their eyes fixed on Jesus. He knows how they feel, He knows what they need to do, and He runs the race with them.

How does the universe conspire

I had the joy of 20 plus years in a job where I was required to share my faith in everything I did or said. Now I find myself in a school where I am strongly discouraged from expressing myself from the core of my being. My faith expressions have to be compartmentalized into a cordoned off area of my brain. I must look for new ways to express parts of my philosophy that have been a great influence on what I have said and come to believe. Sometimes it is impossible to rewrite the answers to suit a secular world. How do I reword something that begins “I am a precious child of God . . .?”

I was working through an assignment for my seminar class when I came across a question that began: “How does the universe conspire . . .?” I couldn’t quite believe my eyes. I am not a student of the universe. I know God made it but I wasn’t there to know if He did it quietly or accompanied Himself with a big bang. I know the universe is huge, much bigger than what my puny brain can imagine. I hear that it is always expanding, but then again, it might be contracting. However, I have never been able to assign human characteristics to the universe. Does it really conspire? Can it even think, much less plan and orchestrate our futures? More importantly, why am I seemingly studying astrology in my Psychology seminar class?

I know that I am guaranteed freedom of speech in the classes I take. I have the right to answer that question by asserting that my Heavenly Father plans my life, but I also know that assigning god-like characteristics to my God’s creation will be somehow better accepted. What I don’t understand is why this is true. If Humanists want a world without my God then why do they keep creating gods out of their world or the people who live in it?

Guess what? Mother Nature isn’t a mother and she doesn’t conspire either! Although, it has not escaped my notice that I have had to work for every major snow and ice storm this year, so I am not so sure about the weather. It definitely seems to be conspiring against me. This week will be the test. Yesterday, after church, someone walked off with my coat. If the temperatures drop below freezing I might have proof that the weather is out to get me. I’ll keep you updated.

It fascinates me how we as humans live a life that is so insecure that we conspire to create a god while simultaneously denying the God who does exist. We have a God who is all powerful, complete, all-knowing, benevolent and deeply interested in every aspect of our lives. Yet, we set Him aside and work to create some other supreme and mysterious being who guides our puny lives. I used to wonder why the Israelites would set aside God to worship a chunk of gold in the shape of a cow but I see evidence of this same behavior all around me. More importantly I see evidence of that behavior in my life.

The calf – a craftsman has made it; it is not God. It will be broken in pieces the calf of Samaria. They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind. Hosea 8:6-7

Whenever I think I am responsible for my talents and the opportunities I find to use them - I create a golden calf. Whenever I worry over my life decisions - I give that calf a place of honor in my heart. Whenever I am sure that the world needs me to fix things - I kneel down and worship the idol I have put into my own heart. If I wonder why secular humanists create gods out of the universe and why scientists create gods out of nature, then I must ask myself, someone who ought to know better, why I create false gods too.

My God is powerful and all knowing and He can and does orchestrate His will in spite of me and not because of me. It is a true blessing in my life when He uses me to accomplish His will. It is not the weather or the universe that conspire either for me or against me. It is my God who loves me unconditionally.

Abba, Father, Amen.

Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation? Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know! Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone – while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy? Job 38: 4-7