If it ain’t broke

One of my classes is a Special Education class on Autism Spectrum Disorders. It is a fascinating class for me because it is out of my department so I am in class with people working on different degrees. It also includes virtually no stats; right now that is a big plus.

Autism is tough to nail down. We typically think of the child who is a non-communicator, calming himself down with repetitive motion or a savant who can perfectly play a piano piece after hearing it only once. But, Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can also include the child with weak social skills who constantly reads and talks about one particular topic as well as a whole host of symptoms somewhere in-between these two extremes. The first part of the course covered a long list of characteristics so now I have a hammer that says ASD and every problem I see is a nail. I also find myself worrying that my lack of enthusiasm for social situations means I might be afflicted, as well. How on earth do medical college students make it through school without diagnosing themselves with every illness they study?

There is an interesting debate in the world of autism, including those with milder forms as well as parents with children severely affected. One group wants a cure and the other insists they don't need to be fixed. Depending on the type of autism and its severity a child can be disabled or merely different. For those who work with such children it can be a challenge to identify which skills need work. Certainly a child needs to be able to communicate with other people, but do they all have to have the same level of social skills? Sometimes something viewed as a disability can actually be an ability in a different setting. I remember speaking with a friend who told me her husband had dyslexia but that it was an asset on his job because he could create a mirror image as a tool and die maker. If we "cure" every symptom of autism, will we lose some gifts as a result? Maybe some characteristics of autism do not indicate brokenness.

The struggle with the difference between what is different and what is broken can creep into my faith life, too. I agonize over my looks, my age, my style of dress, gray hair, weight or whether or not my peers think my opinion is valuable, or if my students think I am a good instructor. These are not things worth my worry as they are differences, not brokenness.

What is broken in my life? My worry over differences is a sign of a lack of trust and that is brokenness. My daily, hourly, minute by minute sins are a sign of my brokenness. My misdirected time and attention toward my petty problems and away from God's word, His work and His people, is a sign of my brokenness.

These are the things for which I need a cure.

But the person who does anything with a high hand, whether he is native or a sojourner, reviles the LORD, and that person shall be cut off from among his people. Because he has despised the word of the LORD and has broken His commandment, that person shall be utterly cut off; his iniquity shall be on him. Numbers 15:30-31 ESV

We sin, we doubt, we neglect, and in so doing we create our own brokenness. God our Father picks up the pieces of our brokenness; the saving act of Jesus in His death and resurrection restores wholeness; the Spirit grants understanding allowing us to worship God with a whole heart.

When our brokenness meets God's mercy and forgiveness our differences no longer matter. We are His and we are whole.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved

In him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which He lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in Him, things in heaven and things on earth. Ephesians 1: 3-10 ESV

A wake up spill

I pulled a super klutzo the other day. I just set down a full glass of pop on my desk. I went to reach for something and slipped and knocked over the glass. 12 ounces of ice cold liquid spilled all over my work, all over my pants and almost all the way across the room as the glass slid on the floor. The good news is I spilled it all over my textbook on multiple regression so I had to wait until it dried to read about single linear regression.

If I were a psychology student I would probably call that a Freudian slip.

I got much from that experience: a temporary reprieve from reading, a heightened awareness of my lap, and enough wakefulness that I may be able to forgo the need for caffeine for awhile.

I also got a good laugh and laughter is good for reducing stress. When you laugh at yourself you put your situation into a better perspective.

I need to take a shower in diet Coke more often.

Life has many conundrums but one I have been considering lately is how even though I know myself better than anyone else on earth knows me, I can't really know myself because I can't step back and see me from a better perspective. I know only what goes on in my head. I see the world through a dark glass and cannot know, completely, how my actions affect others.

I also can't see the big picture; my memory of the past is highly selective and I have no hope of seeing what is around the corner.

But I do have hope. I have a hope that is an assurance and that comes from knowing that God has that perspective. He has that perspective of the bigger picture and He uses it to our advantage. He knows, now, what we need and He knows the best way to provide it for us so that we have what we need for our lifetime. He has the big picture perspective and He shows it to us as we need it.

The other day I was driving home after a long day of rain and classes. I saw a piece of a rainbow that periodically would show itself as traversing across the sky. For a few seconds I could see a triple rainbow and then suddenly just a small piece of the arc.

When we see just a piece of the rainbow we know it has the potential to be much more. We trust that the rainbow really goes all the way across the sky and sometimes God lets us see that beauty. Even if we can't see the whole rainbow, we know that God can.

I don't know what God is teaching me about statistics. Apparently from the results of my last test it is not very much about confidence intervals. (sigh) But I do know that He has the big picture and that the perspective is a good one.

Our cat got a wakeup call the other day. My husband dialed his cell phone in order to locate it only to see a strange expression on the cat's face; she was sitting on a vibrating phone.

May God bless your day with laughter, perspective, rainbows, pleasant wakeup calls and HOPE!

Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations. Deuteronomy 7:9 ESV

Apple of His Eye

I started reading my text book for the stats class I am taking. I kid you not—this is what it says:

We wanted to write a brief manual for our students. And we started to do this. We soon realized, however, that it did not seem possible to write a brief exposition of multiple regression analysis that students would understand. We then decided to write a book. (Pedhazur, 1997)

This precedes 1028 pages of numbers and words that will define my life for the next semester.

I know I am stressed because I can feel it in my temples, jaw and neck. I presume this means I am clenching my teeth. I know I am stressed because I have a persistent ache in my shoulders that sometimes travels down my arms to my fingertips and cascades down my back. I know I am stressed because I have a headache all the time.

And I know why I am stressed.

Sure, it is true that I am in way over my head in this stats class. It is also true that I have a stressful semester as I am teaching two new classes with a total of 85 students. And I am equally sure that a complete change of routine – even moving to a new office, increases stress; at least until I get used to things.

But, that is not why I am stressed.

I am stressed because I think I am in control and that makes me panic. But, I am not in control, God is.

God loves me, no matter what. He doesn't ask me to do anything to earn that love. He just loves me, because He is God; He is my creator; He is my Savior; He is my Comforter.

And He knows about multiple regression analysis because He created it.

He doesn't look at me and shake His head. He doesn't grumble to Himself "If only she would trust me. It's not like I haven't solved problems for her before. Will she ever learn?"

He doesn't do this. Instead He loves me, forgives me, comforts me.

Because of this all encompassing agape love, He teaches me to trust.

If it is God's will, I will pass this class. If I can get my teeth to stop clenching I might even learn something. If it is not God's will for me to pass, He will bring good out of it.

I have seen Him do it before; He will do it again and again and again.

Because He loves me.

Show the wonder of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes. Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings. Psalm 17: 7-8

Does Teacher Know Best?

I have been reading the textbook I was given for the class I will be teaching at UNL this fall. I have moved on from study skills to teaching a sort of Educational Psychology 101. I am pretty excited. The text book is well written but reading it has reminded me of a big question I have had since starting graduate school: "why is research so ineffective in influencing practice?" In other words, even though there is a ton of research being done on children, teachers and learning, very little of that research seems to trickle down into the classroom.

One thing I have noticed is that much of research suffers from OTS (omniscient teacher syndrome). It is not that the research is useless, that it doesn't make sense or that it is wrong; it is just that the suggested practices that come from much of research would only work if the teacher was omniscient.

For example, we are supposed to teach with intrinsic (natural desire) rather than extrinsic (rewards or punishments) motivation. However, in order to do this correctly we have to know what intrinsically motivates each child. For many, it is just easier to use extrinsic motivation because we can pretty well predict what rewards or consequences will work. Extrinsic motivation does work – in the short term; in the long term – not so much.

Reading instruction is another good example of OTS. Almost any reading method works with equal success provided we know what is best for each child. Most children will do well if the reading material they have to work with is in their instructional level, meaning it is not too hard and not too easy. This is easier than it sounds, of course, as it requires teachers to know exact reading levels. Even tests can't tell us exact reading levels because it is not just a matter of the number of words per paragraph, but also the interest level, and whether or not the child is intrinsically motivated to read that book.

Discipline is another huge OTS area. In order to teach perfectly, a teacher needs to be able to apply law and gospel perfectly. So that means we have to know what motivates each child, whether the child genuinely repents, what is the best way to redirect, what is the most effective consequence, and does that child in "time out" really think about what he/ she has done?

Then there is the need to be omniscient where parents are concerned; let's not even go there.

Teachers have a tough job. Find a teacher and give him or her a hug,

and some chocolate,

and maybe some bath salts, or a beer or something.

I mean really, how many of you have to be omniscient at your job?

Think, for a minute about the blessing of God's omniscience. He knows everything about us, our sins, our wants, our needs. Jesus died and rose again to work our Salvation even before we started sinning because He knew it would be necessary. The Spirit intercedes for us when we don't even know our prayers well enough to put them into words. God knows everything about us and He still loves us.

When we are extrinsically motivated; He still loves us.

When we don't know the right answer; He still loves us.

When we think and do evil, nasty, shameful, embarrassing things; He still loves us.

He knows what we need: forgiveness, grace, mercy and love. He knows this perfectly. He knows and loves us perfectly and completely.

My Teacher knows best.

Abba, Father, thank you!

So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3: 17-19

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Working hard at play

I have been reading journal articles for a paper I am writing on play.

Yeah, the irony of working on play has not slipped past me.

I spent many years teaching parents about the value of play. It is an easy thing to see, when you spend hours observing children play, but it is a difficult thing to explain to parents when they are worried about how their 5 year old will do on standardized tests in three years. It seems to make sense to cut back play time and spend more time teaching the facts and figures that will be on the test.

It seems to make sense, but it doesn't.

I usually explained to parents how learning is a social thing and their children are developing social skills when they play. Still, I wondered if play helped children develop social skills, why did I spend so much of recess dealing with arguments over playground territory?

I had better success pointing out that children talk when they play, which means they develop language skills. Well developed language skills are the basis of any good learning; especially math and reading.

These are good reasons for defending play, but as it turns out there are more important, more fundamental, more urgent reasons why children play. Play develops something called executive function which allows children to self-regulate. Three of the skills involved in executive function include inhibitory control, cognitive flexibility and working memory.

And you thought they were just playing tag.

You see, stopping yourself from running after the ball when you are playing goalie in soccer, so you will be in the right place when the ball comes to you, is the same skill you need to ignore noise in the hallway when you are working on a test. The same skill that lets you predict what a friend will do, and change your actions to adapt, is the same skill you need to realize that you should be dividing those numbers from that story problem instead of adding them. And it seems that the same skill you use to remember your role in the game of "house", as well as the roles of all other participants, is the same skill you need to monitor your comprehension while reading.

In other words, if we don't let children play, they may not learn the brain skills necessary to learn what else school has to teach them. They need to play so they can learn. If they don't get to play, learning is harder and less efficient.

Wait. . .what? In order to be better learners, children should study less and play more? Who invented that system?

God did.

I just love how God created a way for the brains of children to develop that works naturally. We don't have to take extra time to help them to do better on a test. We just need to let them do what their brains were designed to do. For every hour they spend playing, the more they will get out of teaching and studying. Cool plan; someone ought to package that, get government funding and sponsor legislation that forces every school to follow this.

Hmmm, I'll get right on that; as soon as my work is done.

In the meantime, I feel blessed to see a new way that God works in my life. God gives children the desire to play and play prepares them for learning and eventually ministry. I know, too, that the work God puts before me, is preparing me for learning and ministry.

I have developed a pretty strong ability to delay gratification. I suspect this is a genetic thing – being able to put off play, reward or rest. While it can be a good think in terms of meeting goals, it is probably not a good thing in terms of living a healthy life. Still, the opposite, to turn to immediate gratification, does not seem right either. That is selfish and just as harmful.

I think what God is teaching me, here, is to be gratified with what He has planned for me to do. I do not have to wait to be happy until I get this next paper done; I can be happy in the act of writing the paper. I do not have to wait to relax until the last stats final is handed in; I can rest in the assurance that God is working with me and providing me with all I need to learn. No matter how I much I delay, there will be no reward this side of heaven. Working in the here and now is instant, long-term gratification. Working in the here and now is preparing me for what is ahead.

Woe to those who draw sin along with cords of deceit,
and wickedness as with cart ropes,

to those who say, "Let God hurry,
let him hasten his work
so we may see it.
Let it approach,
let the plan of the Holy One of Israel come,
so we may know it."

Woe to those who call evil good
and good evil,
who put darkness for light
and light for darkness,
who put bitter for sweet
and sweet for bitter.

Isaiah 5:18-20

The Gospel According to Cats

I am trying to leash train my cat.

Don't ask.

No, really, there just isn't a good explanation. Trust me.

She was quite calm and compliant as I put her in the harness, but the mood changed dramatically when I set her down on the floor. She frantically crouched down and crawled backwards trying to get away from the leash. I suspect she figured that if she got into the harness head first, she must have to back out of the thing.

It was hilarious. Okay, now we see the real reason behind my trying this.

I didn't get hissing or growling, but I didn't get purring either. Walking with the leash didn't happen but she did explore outside for a bit. Curiously, she spent most of the leash time sitting on my lap. Normally this cat is not a lap cat; as she generally prefers to sit on my shoulder.

All in all, it went well as I got only one dirty look. We may try it again in the future.

I suspect she sat in my lap because she didn't feel safe with the unfamiliar. The ironic thing is she was safe because of the leash.

I was involved in a strange face book conversation where a participant insisted that God acted immorally when He granted us free will, because He knew we would get ourselves into trouble and cause pain and suffering in the world.

That was a first. It sounds like the circular reasoning of a child: "You knew I was going to hurt myself when I fell off the slide, so why didn't you stop me from breaking the rule about not standing on it?"

In fact, I think I heard a kindergartner say that once while I was putting a bandage on his knee. My response: "Go and stand on the slide, no more."

I like to let our cat out into the backyard every now and then. There is so much entertainment there for both of us. I know that being outside is not safe for cats so I put her on a leash. She doesn't happen to know it is possible to be outside without a leash so she adapts and enjoys the smells, sights and sounds she finds outside. She has a little bit of free will, with a whole lot of loving safety.

Think about our confusion regarding freedoms and expectations. God does not put us on a leash, but He does give us His law for our own safety. We certainly can't earn our way to heaven by following the law, that bus has already left the station. However, following the law will result in the blessing of a happier life. Even though we chafe against the law and try to back out of it, we know it is a loving good thing from the heavenly Father who cares for us, dearly. We are free of the burden of the law and free to obey its tenents.

How strange is it, then, when we are out in the world, held lovingly by the protection of our God, that we are afraid to use our freedom to serve him. My cat sat on my lap for the duration of our outdoor adventure. I prefer to sit snuggly in God's lap, instead of venturing out into His world.

Miss Maggie will learn how to explore the backyard while on a leash. She will get used to the hug of the harness and the limits of her range. I suspect she will even learn how to explore without getting tangled around the table and chairs.

May her courage serve to encourage me to get out of my Father's lap and venture into His world; I am in the harness of God's love and tethered to the blessing of His law, all while being showered in His grace. It's time to get moving.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4

The Blessing of Trust

The phone call left me with a worrisome heart. I turned to Paul and informed him that the church treasurer was coming to visit. I was one of two teachers at this lovely country church school and I knew that especially for a female church worker, a visit from an official of the church was not likely to be a good thing.

As he walked up to our door I noticed he was not dressed as a farmer; he was in a suit and tie and a concerned look on his face. I searched my brain for what I might have done or said to cause that concern and then welcomed him in.

As it turns out he was going over the records of tithing and noticed that Paul and I were among the church families that gave the most for the previous year. Out of concern for the fact that he knew Paul was out of work and starting school, and because he was well aware of my income, he wanted to encourage us to tithe less.

Yes, you read that correctly; the church treasurer was encouraging us to give less money to the church.

I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and thanked him for his gracious concern. But, Paul and I did not change our giving habits.

You see, I married a tither. My faith in this area has always been weak. I want proof that God will take care of me before I step into the arena of risk taking. But for Paul, this issue has never been worthy of discussion. He remembers a professor preaching at our childhood church. This preacher leaned over the pulpit and shouted: "God doesn't NEED your PENNIES. He could write the Gospel in letters of fire across the sky." Both the words and the shouting made quite an impression on him! God has made it easy for me to give in to the directive to tithe, and in that process, something interesting has happened. Through word sacrament and the nurturing work of the Spirit, my ability to trust God has increased. My faith has grown.

Now, a bit of a warning is necessary, here. This is not a formula for successful trust development. God does not say first you tithe and then I will bless you.

The blessings God bestows on us have everything to do with Him and nothing to do with us.

Because of His powerful all encompassing agape love, God has blessings already planned for us. He does not wait for evidence of worthiness. He knows we are not worthy of these blessings but extends them because of the worthiness of His Son.

The blessings are there, but we often do not realize them because we prefer to stay in our own little worlds where we believe in our false sense of control. Accepting the blessing of God's provision, means we trust enough to let God be in control.

The blessings are there; so often we walk right by them with our heads bowed in our own worry and grief.

I have always worried about money issues. I usually blame the fact that I am a first born in a family that struggled financially due to medical bills. The truth is I am a sinner in a sinful world. When God used Paul to teach me to tithe, the trust came slowly. I remember weeks of eating only government issue cheese and those cute little pullet eggs. I remember checking the gauge on the propane tank and wondering if we would have enough to heat the house until the next paycheck. I remember worrying and I remember God providing.

Trust came slowly for me and I still struggle on that journey; yet I can see how God has worked in my heart. Leaving teaching and enrolling in graduate school has been a huge change that brought with it many, many risks. Some of those risks are financial and that is where my faith is still at its weakest; and yet God still provides. I believe that if God had not led me to tithe, and used that to help develop trust, I would not be enjoying this blessing, now.

He doesn't wait until I trust first, to bless me. He just takes me by the hand and brings me along. The blessings are there, the Spirit stands ready. I just need to lift my head from my own worries and look up to see what is set out before me on the table of blessings. By providing me with the opportunity to tithe and by caring for me through met needs, forgiveness and the nourishment of His word, God brought me to a place where I could trust Him for bigger things. I have a long way to go in terms of trusting. I know I won't ever get there, this side of heaven. However, I am grateful for the opportunity to tithe; not only because of the blessings of what is done with that money, but also because of the blessing tithing brings to my heart.

God doesn't need our paltry change. He doesn't need our money. Instead, He knows we need to give. He knows we need to trust Him for all things. He knows we need to look up, away from our worries and into the face of His blessings.

Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you. Psalm 33:22

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