A home for Dorris

I rarely cry at weddings, occasionally at funerals, and nearly always at baptisms.  A few Sunday’s ago,  I wiped away a tear while watching my mother-in-law, Dorris, receive communion. 

She cared for her husband through eighteen years of Alzheimers.  The last few years, he spent in a memory care facility and at that time we realized that Dorris was slipping away from us, too.  As I watched her lean forward to receive the grace found in the body and blood, I was struck by the realization that she was home. 

  

Early this morning, as my husband contemplated the music he would be playing later for the Reformation service at our church, he took a phone call from the police; one of the top ten fears for parents.  This phone call did not involve our children, but was instead notification that Dorris had wandered out of her room and out of her building and showed up at a convenience store several blocks away from her assisted living residence.  The industry would say she “eloped.”  

Paul and I suspect she was out and about, trying to figure out where she was.  She frequently asks about going home, but lately the home she describes is the house in Blackburn, Missouri where her mother lived for many years.  Just last evening she told Paul that she was on an island and that she needed to find her husband as he was expected to speak for the conference being held there.  She has reached a point in her illness where she is perpetually looking for her home. 

Paul calls this elopement a “drive through a glass door” event; a watershed event that signals the need for a drastic change.  The term comes from when Dorris drove her little car into the front door of a local fast food place.  She calmly got out of the car, walked in, and ordered a sandwich.  We took that to mean she needed to be done driving.  We suspect eloping during early morning hours means she needs to move to a different level of care.  She has been moving to a new home for about nine months, now.  This will be her third move, already.  It is little wonder she is searching for home.

So now I understand why the beauty of sharing the body and blood at the Lord’s home table is so very moving.  God does not wait for us to find Him.  He does not pace the floor in worry over when we will show up.  He does not shake his head when we are late. He knows where we are and He comes to us.  Just as our Pastor moves from the altar to Dorris’ seat to bring her the forgiveness found in this sacrament, God sets up His table where we are.  He surrounds us with forgiveness, grace and mercy and brings us home to Him; to our perpetual home.

As I type this, Paul and his brother Karl, who thankfully came from Missouri for a visit, are discussing details regarding an earthly home for their mother.  Arrangements will be made to assure her comfort and safety even as little can be done to help her perception of where home is.  She will move again and her cat will find a new home as well. We will continue to visit her, to place tangible evidences of home around her room, and to talk with her about whatever is familiar to her at that moment.  We will try to create a home for her as she wanders through her memories.  And we will rejoice that we all have a permanent home with our heavenly Father, that His Son died to create that home for us, and that His Spirit surrounds us to create that home in the sweet song of faith. We are safe; we are home. 

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
    he who keeps you will not slumber.

 Behold, he who keeps Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
    the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
    he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
    your going out and your coming in
    from this time forth and forevermore.  Psalm 121 (ESV)

Hide and Seek

The children in this video clip are enjoying a boisterous game of hide and seek.  What is amusing to us is the fact that they are playing this game in a room that is completely empty; a room with no hiding place.  Somehow, this does not discourage them in the least. 

The game works for children this age because they are just at the beginning of an understanding of theory of mind.  We have theory of mind when we realize that each of us has our own thoughts, our own body of knowledge, and our own perspective.  These children realize that they each have their own thoughts because otherwise the game of hide and seek would make no sense.  How could I hide from you if we are thinking the same things?

But, they don’t yet understand the extent of theory of mind which is why the big sister can hide her eyes and assume her brother does not see her because she can’t see him.  Therefore, finding and being found, even in an empty room, are quite a delight. 

The development of theory of mind is the precursor to the development of empathy.  If we can think different things, then we can feel different things.  If we can feel different things then I can try to step into your world and find out what you are feeling.  Theory of mind is the beginning of fellowship. 

 I suspect it is also a part of faith.  Here is Job’s theory of the mind of God:

“I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
 ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
 ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
 therefore I despise myself,
    and repent in dust and ashes.” Job 42:2-6

Faith allows us to realize what we cannot possibly understand.  God is separate from us and yet He knows us completely.  We cannot hide from Him.  He knows our thoughts, our wants, our needs and our sins.  We fear Him and we need Him; and this leads us to worship Him. 

Just as small children are delighted when they hide and are found.  We are delighted that our God knows us and loves us.  We are blessed to live where His grace abounds.

Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
    the people whom he has chosen as his heritage!

 The Lord looks down from heaven;
    he sees all the children of man;
 from where he sits enthroned he looks out
    on all the inhabitants of the earth,
 he who fashions the hearts of them all
    and observes all their deeds. Psalm 33:12-15

I have a situation in my class that requires a strong theory of mind.  I prefer to assume that my students all think like me and value the same things I do.  (What? They don’t all LOVE educational psychology?!)  

I have a suspicion that something happened, but I can’t prove it.  I am going to have to meet with a student and figure out the proper response to achieve a balance between Law and Gospel.  Only God knows for sure what happened.  Only God knows for sure if my response is correct. I am not all-knowing, but I do know this situation calls for prayer and guidance. 

From this I know that I am blessed to be His child.  I am a child with just an inkling of theory of mind; a child given faith in a God who knows all things.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him,
    on those who hope in his steadfast love. Psalm 33:18

Sinners in a sinful world

This picture came to my facebook news feed via the page of a friend.

 This is the kind of thing Christians come to expect when political beliefs clash.  When anger flows; when people feel threatened; it is easy to find an enemy, create a hyperbole, and prop up your own beliefs with a strange sense of self-righteousness. 

I see it practiced by both sides of nearly every issue. 

Regardless of who does it, the liberal or conservative, the believer or atheist, such actions feed the work of evil.  These create-an-enemy practices keep us from seeing the truth in any situation.  They keep us from seeing each other and who we really are.

For me the obscured truth of this picture has nothing to do with marriage, or corporations, or chicken sandwiches.  It has, instead, everything to do with Jesus.

We are not called Christian because of our behavior.  We are not called Christians because of our political beliefs, our values or our actions. We can’t even find agreement on which politics, values and actions are Christian. 

Believe me; I know that Christians are often a disappointment.  We are often bigots, haters, uncaring, lazy and selfish.  We are, after all, sinners in a sinful world; being Christian doesn’t make us any less so. 

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.  All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.”  Romans 3: 10-12

We are not called Christian because we do good works.  Our God tells us that good works are impossible for us. 

We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment.  We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. Isaiah 64: 6

We are not called Christian because of our behavior; we are Christians because of what God did for us. We are Christian because we know, but do not quite understand, that our Heavenly Father gave His one and only Son to die for us.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

We are Christian because that Son lived a perfect life and died a perfectly horrible death for us.  

  

But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

We are Christian because Jesus defeated death, rose again, and prepares a home for us with Him. 

But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

We are Christian because we are washed clean in the waters of our baptism.  We are Christian because we are forgiven and loved.

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1

We are called Christians because of what Christ did for us, and for you.  

Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! John 1:29

Pressing

So many things are pressing, persistent, tenacious, unrelenting.  My need to lower my cholesterol is pressing.  My desire to be done with this degree program is persistent.  The need for my house to be vacuumed, mopped, and sorted out is definitely tenacious; apparently, not strong enough for me to actually DO anything about it, but tenacious, none-the-less. My husband, Paul just obtained a building permit to rebuild the deck on the side of our house.  He informs me that he has 6 months to start this project and 2 years to finish it.  I am hoping this is more of a pressing issue for him then what that time frame suggests.

The pressing issue in my life, right now, revolves around five questions prepared by members of my committee and the 21 days I have to finish this comprehensive exam.  I must be persistent, tenacious and unrelenting in my studies in order to finish each paper in the 4.2 days allotted. Needless to say, I am a bit stressed; and tired; and relenting. 

When I finish a section of a paper and allow myself a break to listen to some music and clear my head for the next chunk of information I need to organize and articulate (complete with references in APA format because graduate students are not allowed to think without references.) I enjoy a song sung by Isa Couvertier called Pressing into You.  Here are a few of the lyrics:

I’m pressing into You

I’m pressing into You, now

Against You have I sinned

And done evil in Your sight

I’m pressing into You

I’m pressing into You, now

For with You there is forgiveness

For with You there is redemption

For with You there is healing

I love the oddness of these lyrics. Why would we go to Jesus when we have disappointed Him?   In my relationships with people I have sinned against, people I have hurt, or neglected, my last impulse is to seek them out.  I prefer to avoid them at all costs as seeing them reminds me of my sin, of my imperfection, of my failure.   We do not willingly face our faults. Yet, when we have failed God, the remedy is to face that failure and to face Him. Or perhaps to press our face into our Savior as a repentant child hides her face in the shoulder of a parent. 

The child does this because she knows she is forgiven and loved.

I have been writing about this very thing.  One of my questions asks me to explain and support five things I feel are most important in a school environment to promote effective learning.  One of the things I have identified is the willingness to face mistakes and the ability to learn from them.  This is an important motivation for short term learning, but a crucial one for long term learning.  We cannot grow if we cannot face and learn from mistakes. The way we face mistakes determines if we will try new things, or if we will continue to commit the same errors and fool ourselves into thinking we are doing well.  The way we react to failure determines if we will achieve or stay stagnant in our incompetence. While we certainly understand we cannot achieve the perfection we desire, it makes no sense to wallow in mediocrity and error.  Sin boldly and pray for forgiveness. 

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.   

Psalm 103: 1-5 (ESV)

When God talks about forgiveness, He often puts it in the same context as healing. He teaches us that to hide in the garden after sin is not what brings healing.  We need to come to Him, to press into Him, to be forgiven and healed. 

For me, this is an important lesson in this time of anxiety.  I know that I cannot answer these questions on my own.  I cannot pass this test by virtue of my own abilities. On my own, I stagnate and fail.

As I type, I make mistakes and spell check can correct only so many of them. 

As I answer the exam questions I can imagine the corrections offered by my committee members.

As I live, I sin, but, I press into Him and find redemption; and healing; and answers. 

Ian Alexander Loewe

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. Lamentations 3:33

We said good-bye to a good friend this past week.  Our friend, Ian, struggled for life from the day of his birth; and struggled against death for half of his 15 years. 

In dying he did not lose that struggle; in death he won the eternal life earned for him through the work of our Savior. 

The body Ian lived in was falling apart and he was tired. His body was no longer a safe place for him to be. Our Heavenly Father came and rescued Ian from the destruction left by illness and treatment. The cancer took his body, but could not take his life.  God brought Him home to where he will always be safe; always be happy; always be fulfilled.  We cannot deny this joy to our friend Ian.

Ian did not fall asleep. This is a phrase about death that can bring comfort to adults and terror to young children.  The image of pain-free sleep may be comforting to us, but I do not believe this metaphor is accurate.  Ian is awake, now more than ever.  He is completely aware of God’s mercy and grace.  He stands in awe on holy ground.  We need rest from our sinful days.  Ian no longer needs rest. 

It was not God’s will for Ian to die. It is not God’s will for any of His children to die.  It was His will that we live a perfect life in the perfect world He created for us.  Our sin is the cause of our death. Sin is, in no way, a part of God’s will.

God did not take Ian’s life; He gave Ian eternal life and joy. Ian left behind pain, sorrow, and darkness.  God brought him to light, and the source of his faith.  Ian knows God fully and his earthly life no longer encumbers him. 

Thank you, God, for Ian, for heaven, for salvation and for grace.

For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Philippians 1: 21

The still small voice

And he said, "Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord." And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.  And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. I Kings 19: 11-13 ESV

Elijah saw God's power bring the Israelites through a climate drought, but when faced with a spiritual drought brought on by an evil king, Elijah retreated to the barrenness of the broom tree. He was ready to give up, both figuratively and literally. Believing he was the last person alive to hold to faith, he wanted to die in that faith.

God said "no" and gave him something to eat. 
 
God sent him to a mountain. Mountains put you in a vulnerable position and Elijah didn't even have a broom tree for protection. Standing on the mountain we can imagine that Elijah saw the enormity of God's power as he contemplated God's creation. Then as he felt the power of the wind, earthquake and fire, Elijah was viscerally reminded of God's omnipotence. 
 
It is interesting to note that Elijah does not retreat to the cave until he hears God's voice in the sound of a low whisper. His retreat is not out of terror, but out of fear. Elijah did not fear for his earthly life; he feared for his spiritual life. 
 
God's word has a way of killing us; it seeks to kill the old Adam in us. As strong as his faith was, Elijah's old Adam was a lack of faith. He knew there was nothing more that he could do to protect himself and his fellow children of God from the evil that surrounded them. He simply forgot that God did have that power and a plan. 
 
That small still voice was sent to remind Elijah of an unimaginable power. 
 
The graduate program that I am in has stretched me beyond my abilities and I have reached a point of constant reminder that I do not have the gifts to complete this journey. I am not smart enough. I can't do the numbers. I can't do the words. I want to quit while I still have some confidence left.
 
God says "no" and feeds me through His word and sacraments.
 
He says that now that I know I am not able to do this on my own I am ready.
 
What is the "impossible" you face today? Is your faith stretched to its limits? God will stand by you through the wind, the earthquake, and the fire and then God's law will remind you of His power; His grace will remind you of His mercy. 
 
Here is some food for the journey:
 
We need God because we are not enough:
 

Therefore, behold, I will again do wonderful things with this people, with wonder upon wonder; and the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the discernment of their discerning men shall be hidden." Isaiah 29:14 ESV

God is stronger than we can imagine:

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.

I Corinthians 1:25 ESV

God will be what we need:

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13 ESV

 

Distortions

When I saw this clip of distorted faces I knew I wanted to include it in my teaching for Educational Psychology. It is a great demonstration of how the brain is split into two sides that must find a way to work together. In this instance what is seen by the right eye and what is seen by the left eye are different so your brain tries to unite them as one image. The result is a distortion of the difference between the two, as your brain tries to reconcile the images and fails. When I watch it I continually want to take my eye off of the cross in the middle in order to check one picture or another. I find it interesting that my brain distorts the faces to such a degree that it no longer recognizes all of the pictures as photographs; they began to register as paintings. 
 
This illusion works because the faces are of similar size and placement so your eyes initially interpret this as a stereo vision exercise. When the two images don't match, the parts of the faces that are different seem exaggerated because they stick out. Our eyes, and our brains, are well trained to notice discrepancies, or differences. 
 
As Christians we live in a double vision world. There is evil and there is God. There is God's will and there is sin. There is the way we see things and the way God sees them. We try to make sense of it, and fail. The world distorts the values given to us by God. Some seem silly, others grotesque. Often what is cherished by the world begins to look normal to us. We see, but, we do not perceive. We do not interpret sin for what it is. The more sin distorts our view, the more distorted we become. This is not an illusion; it is reality. 
 
The blood of Jesus covers our distortion as well as the multitude of sins that cause it. Because of the saving work of Jesus, when God looks at us He sees perfection. Jesus unites our image with His so we once again find ourselves in God's image.
In watching this video clip, when you keep your eyes on the cross the images are merged. When you take your eyes off of the cross you can only see one image or the other. In our lives the cross must always be uppermost in our minds. When we look at the cross we see Jesus translating God's love for us and transmitting it to us. When we allow our eyes to stray from the cross, we can see only the world. This view can only serve to dull our senses and distort our thinking. 

You will indeed hear but never understand, and you will indeed see but never perceive." For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them. Isaiah 6:9-10 ESV