Dorris and I are on our way to Seward for a doctor’s appointment.
Dorris: Why do I feel like I should be telling you to turn here?
Kim: Perhaps it is because you gave driving directions to Marx for so many years.
Dorris: Oh, dear, did I over-direct him? Is he dead?
Kim: Um, he is dead, but not because of your directions.
I can relate to Dorris’ assumption that fault is involved in every action. I remember answering a phone call from a new principal and having to stop myself from asking “What did I do now?” The school year had not even started; it is not likely I had broken any rules, yet.
I never feel like I am enough.
This is where I typically find myself when I wallow in my depression.
I am not enough.
If I just stayed there I would probably survive, but the danger lies in where that statement of truth leads me. I am not enough, so I must be better, I must be more, I must be perfect, I must make everyone happy, I must be in control.
Now I have trouble and that trouble begins the assumption that the solution starts with me. I must turn to Truth, instead.
I am not enough and that is okay because in my life I am not important.
I know that sounds like I am heading down the same, sad, path to my favorite wallowing place, but stick with me.
I am not enough, but I don’t have to be.
I am a child of the Heavenly Father.
But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel:“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.(Isaiah 43:1, ESV)
It means everything that I am not responsible for my worthiness. I am a sinner. I am broken. I am not enough, but, because I am a child of God, I am loved and protected.
This is true even when I do not love myself.
Ah, but, then I remember that I am not good enough.
The list of my shortfalls is long. I can do no right. I can please no one, much less everyone. I measure up to no standard.
I just can’t, but Jesus can, and did, for me.
I am forgiven by my Savior.
In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. (I John 4:9-10, ESV)
It means everything that I am forgiven. It means that sin results in guilt that leads to repentance and forgiveness. Without forgiveness my guilt leads only to shame; to permanent unworthiness.
In forgiveness, we are restored to the loving arms of God, again, and again, and again.
Yes, but, I also worry that I am not effective.
The things I do muck things up instead of making them better. The work I do does not seem to make a difference, or even show any progress.
I am useless on my own, but the work of the Spirit changes everything.
I am powered by the Holy Spirit
But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. (John 14:26, ESV)
It means everything that the Spirit works in me. The effectiveness of what I do is not reliant on my skill, or expertise. Actions are effective because of the work of the Spirit.
Through the Spirit, God’s work and will are accomplished.
In good times and in bad, in joy and despair, in calm and in anxiety, I cling to these truths.
Because of God, through God, and with God, I am enough.
God knew that in sin we would suffer from depression and anxiety. This was not hard to predict. If we are sinners in a sinful world, we will be either sad about our sin or anxious that we will be exposed for the sin we try to hide.
Yet, God loves us anyway. He gave us gifts of medication, therapy, and fellowship. Most of all, he gives us comfort, belonging, and protection.
He is enough.
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. (I John 3:1, ESV)
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. (I John 3: 19-20, ESV)