Life

I drove Dorris home after church today. We took the usual route, and she asked the usual questions about where we were and where she lived.

Dorris: Why don’t I recognize where we are? Did I hit my head?

Kim: No, you did not hit your head. You have Alzheimer’s.

Dorris: I don’t like that word “Alzheimer’s.” It is often bandied about and used where it doesn’t belong. Now I guess I will have to accept that it belongs to me.

We were unusually quiet the rest of the drive.

Dementia is cruel. It leaves its victim in a constant state of anxious confusion. Thankfully, my mother-in-law, is comfortable with asking important questions over and over, again. I answer them as if I have never heard them before because I know that this will reduce her anxiety -  if even just for a moment. Sometimes she will inform me that she will probably ask me the same question more times before she’s done. I always reassure her that repeating a question is just fine as long as it is a question I can answer. We laugh and I make her promise not to ask me about string theory, which inevitably makes her ask “what is string theory?”

Dementia takes away memories; it takes away the comfort of knowing where you are, where you are going, and who is taking you there. Dementia takes so much, but it often leaves behind the realization that the disease is present. Dorris doesn’t remember that she cannot balance when she walks, but she remembers what Alzheimer’s is and what it means for her future.

I gave a children’s message at church today on the topic of life. We discussed several pictures to determine which was “alive” and which was “not alive.” We agreed about the snowman,

 

but there was some discussion about the picture of Olaf.

I showed them a picture of a baby in the womb.

 

We talked about how babies get food before they are born and then had to stop ourselves from lifting up our shirts and dresses to see our belly buttons.

I shared the sad news that some people do not see the baby in the womb as being “alive.” Science tells us that this baby has life, but many do not count this life as having value.

What about Dorris’ life? Does her life have value? In some countries, she could be euthanized at her request. Physician aided death is legal in five states here in the U.S. In Belgium, it is legal to end the life of a terminally ill child. That is, so long as the parents show they are capable of making a good decision regarding the life of their child.

Yes, the world is full of pain and misery and we want to see this pain end. How is death a good decision?

If it is acceptable to end the life of an unwanted unborn child, how long will it be until we use the same rationalization to end the life of a born child? Or, the life of a severely injured adult? Or, the life of someone in emotional pain and misery? When will we start to feel comfortable ending the life of people like Dorris who can no longer remember or make sense of their world?

This is the verse we read for the children’s message: 

And this is the promise that he made to us—eternal life. (I John 2:25, ESV)

God loves life. He loves the life of a newborn baby. He loves the life of an elderly person lost in her memories. He loves the life of a terminally ill child, parent, or sibling. He loves a long healthy life. He loves a long life of pain and misery, because He loves those who suffer. He loves the joyful and He loves the dejected and depressed.

God does not want misery for His children. He wants life.

He grants us eternal life through the saving work of His Son, and through the faith given us by the Spirit. We will live forever with Him in heaven.

But, eternal life goes both ways. God loved us before we were born. From before the beginning of Earthly time, God knew us, and loved us.

Masks

Click on this picture to order the book.

Terry Buethe is a Lutheran pastor, counselor, teacher, writer and good friend. He wrote this book to offer encouragement to those who suffer from depression and for those who feel sad or discouraged from personal life events. It is an excellent book for personal devotions or for group work. 

He has graciously given me permission to post one of the readings from the book. 

Enjoy, be encouraged, know you are loved by your Heavenly Father. 

Re-Learning to Receive

“Tis’ better to give than to receive,” is one of those ageless adages we have all heard. Most would agree it’s not bad advice, especially when trying to teach our children to be generous, compassionate people. But as with many other rules about life, it is not an absolute standard. Circumstances in our lives can send us through cycles of being givers and then being receivers over and over again.

Unfortunately, some of us have learned to be givers so well, it’s hard to become a receiver. When we are giving, we are in control of the situation. We might feel a certain sense of pride or accomplishment that we are able to help someone else.

But to be placed in a situation where we need someone else to help us upsets our sensibilities. We feel as though we have lost ground. We don’t like being dependent on anyone else. We feel vulnerable at the mercy of another person’s decisions. We might even wonder what receiving from this person is going to cost us in the long run because we have also learned “there’s no such thing as a free lunch.” And if we are willing to be honest with ourselves, our pride also gets in the way. We don’t want to admit to anyone, not even to ourselves, that we can’t handle everything life throws at us on our own.

Of course, that’s a ridiculous stance to take. No one is equipped to handle everything in life. And if we stop to think about it, it becomes really obvious. We regularly rely on mechanics, doctors, plumbers and truck drivers to provide us with services or deliver goods that we need. We are all dependent on each other, no matter how much we want to believe we are not. But that “I can do this myself” voice is strong and it can prevent us from letting others know we are in need of something they can provide. It can also prevent them from intervening when we aren’t even aware we need help.

Our heavenly Father knows all about our prideful independent streak. He knows we need an example of how it should be done and even to do it for us. That is one of the reasons He sent His Son in human flesh to experience the trials and temptations we do, to feel the hunger, the thirst, the pain and even the fear that we do. We have a Lord and Savior who knows exactly what we are going through and He showed us how to receive as well as how to give.

Jesus received help from the angels after His forty days in the wilderness where Satan repeatedly tempted Him. He and His disciples received meals and lodging from people in many of the places they traveled. He received from a woman who washed His feet with her tears. He showed us there is nothing shameful in receiving.  There is nothing demeaning in allowing another person to come alongside us when we are overwhelmed. In fact, as He was describing the Judgment, He said that when we receive assistance from another person, it allows that person to minister to Jesus. (Matt 25:31-46)

God almost always works through people. He rarely performs big showy miracles. Instead He uses the hands and tongues and feet and ears of those who follow Him. He comes to you through the people who care about you and offer to help. And He comes to you through His Word with promises to care for you in all situations.

Suggested readings: Hebrews 4:14-16

© 2014 Terry Buethe

Roundabout thoughts

This conversation was a part of our ride to church:

 

Me: Dorris, I read in the paper that this corner will be a roundabout.

Dorris: A roundabout? How many houses will be sacrificed for this endeavor?

Me: None. It will be built in existing space.

Dorris: Built in existing space. Hmm, someone got elected on that slogan.

It is interesting to me how conversation with Dorris will be simultaneously sense and nonsense. Because of the work of Alzheimer's, so many neural pathways in her brain are no longer working. Conversations on a familiar topic can easily be sidetracked to something that seems quite unrelated and yet, gives the suggestion of at least a thin connection. 

Dorris was a longtime member of the planning commission in her community, which is why I mentioned the proposed roundabout. She recognized the term and immediately thought of a possible consequence, but then, how did we venture into campaign slogans?

Perhaps she doubted the truth of my statement and this was her brain’s way of expressing a lack of trust in promises.

Then, again, it may just be a random phrase and my brain may be working overtime to try to make sense out of it. I assume that her comments must be related to mine, so I search until I find a relationship. If nothing else, at least my brain is getting a thorough work out.

I am reminded of a Human Cognition class I taught this summer. A student from Republic of Côte d'Ivoire asked why farmers in her area believed that specific rituals brought about rain. We talked about how our brains want to determine “cause and effect” and when we see a desired effect, it is easiest to believe that our own actions are the cause.

Pastor’s sermon today pointed to a particular phrase that tends to twist around in the roundabout of cause and effect.

We are saved for works, not by works

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. (Titus 3:4-7, ESV)

We want to be saved by works because it seems to make sense. If we do good things, then God will let us into heaven. We want to live our lives in such a way that we can bargain at heaven’s gate:

 

"Yeah, I know I messed up there, but then I made up for it later."

 

"I wasn’t good all the time, but I was good most of the time- or at least, I was good when it counted."

"Sin is no big deal, just look at the good things I did."

We want that cause and effect to be about us. But we wrongly put the effect before the cause.

We are saved for works, not by works

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. for we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2: 8-10, ESV)

As much as we would like to be the reason for our salvation, we are instead the result of our salvation. God created us; we ruined that creation. Through the death and resurrection of His Son, God saves us even though it is impossible for us to do good works of our own accord.

God could have stopped there. Jesus made it possible for us to enter heaven covered in a white robe, earned for us through His victory over sin and death. God could have left us in our miserable lives and simply waited to see us at heaven’s door.

But, He created us for good works, which He “prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

We are simultaneously blessed by the work of justification and the work of sanctification.

We are already saved through Jesus. Now, and only now, are we ready to participate in the good works prepared for us.

We are not the cause, but we are blessed by the effect.

We are loved. We are saved. We are prepared.