Mary's Lesson on Primary Emotions

 Today we celebrate Epiphany, but my heart is still with Mary's song.

And he came to her and said, “Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!” But she was greatly troubled at the saying, and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Luke 1: 28-30

As I read this familiar passage of the Christmas story, I am struck by Mary’s emotions. One moment she was a young woman preparing for married life, and the next, she was trying to comprehend the words of an angel. Mary reacted in fear and confusion, certainly an appropriate response given the circumstances. Our emotions are a gift from God that help us to absorb a situation. However, emotions do not always feel like a gift, especially when they are intense.

It is not unusual for us to take a strong emotion and change it to something more comfortable. Mary might have turned her fear into anger and focused on the new challenges of her life. She was to be an unwed mother at a time that did not treat that circumstance with mercy and kindness. From an earthly perspective, her life was in ruins. Instead, she let go of fear in favor of praise as seen in a psalm sung for Elizabeth.

And Mary said, My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Luke 1: 46

God turned her fear into rejoicing. Because of this, Mary moved outside of her own needs and considered how she was to have a role in divine mercy. She did not dwell on the days and months ahead. She did not dwell on her sacrifices, difficult conversations, or how God imposed this situation on her. Instead, she rejoiced in the fulfillment of God’s promises growing beneath her heart.

This particular part of the Christmas story sticks out for me this year. I have spent much time working with teachers to understand the emotions they see in the colleagues, students, and parents with whom they work. We have talked about how we are apt to replace our initial emotion with one that makes us feel we have more control over an out-of-control situation. The problem is the second emotion doesn’t fit, so we have to find a way to justify it. For example, our fear about a pandemic becomes anger, and we look for someone to blame – scientists, health experts, pastors, teachers, government leaders, and even loved ones. But, of course, this anger and blame do little to address the issue that brought about the fear. Instead, it keeps us from trusting in God’s plan. When we fail to trust, we miss out on the blessings God prepared for us. Imagine the grief Mary would have created if she had not put her trust in God’s benevolence.

Mary had God’s messenger to help her move past the fear and confusion to see God’s ultimate plan. Mary also had a strong faith that moved her emotional state into gratitude and joy. We don’t have an angel encouraging us to process our fear through faith, but we do have God’s Word. God’s Word has power over our fear and anger. God’s Word always points us to the saving work of Jesus.

I am intrigued by Mary’s song because even though the event happened to her, the song is about what God was doing. She saw blessing in being a servant to her God, no matter the circumstances.  Her song sang the praise of what God’s mercy accomplished through the work of the Christ Child.

And His mercy is for those who fear Him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with His arm; He has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts. Luke 1: 50-51.

In Mary’s response, we see the best course of action for dealing with any chronic struggle. We set aside anger and trade fear for trust. God’s plan is complete and ancient. He brings good out of all circumstances because He can do no less for the children He loves. The baby in the manger came to fight and win all battles for us.

The Magnificat teaches us that our God delivers His people amid suffering and disappointment. But Mary’s song points to an attitude we can adapt to better process challenges. We can trust in God and look for ways to serve His people. We, too, can be a part of God’s work. We do this not out of a spirit of fear or obligation but as a result of the joy of being a child of God. Because of Jesus, we find ourselves living in God’s favor, covered by His righteousness. This favor is the source of our gratitude and joy.

 

Finding Rest

 

When we fear, when we worry, when we grieve, we feel burdened. Our thoughts seem to add extra weight to every limb in our body. It can become a challenge to lift our arms, even our faces, in prayer. It takes more effort to think, to work, even to breathe. 

 

It's not just one thing that weighs us down. It is dozens of things, some small, some unfixable, and some that point to future grief. Then along comes one more little challenge, and suddenly our knees buckle under the weight. 

 

I spent the last week up in and out of the medical world. I tried to take my mom to a doctor's appointment, and she was too ill to go. The next day, we were determined to get her to her post-surgery appointment to find out what was going on. While there, she nearly collapsed, and her blood pressure reading caused the nurse to call 911. We spent the rest of the day in ER. The next day before I had a chance to visit my mother in the hospital, my husband's 90-year-old aunt calls to tell me she has chest pain. We spent another day in the ER. Thankfully both are home, but as is often the case with the elderly, there are no clear answers.

 

No clear answers mean no solution.

 

No solution means it might happen again.

 

Meanwhile, I am experiencing sticker shock at the pharmacy, fielding phone calls from home healthcare nurses, and trying to access medical portals, which I personally believe are the work of the devil. I don't need one more thing in my life where following all the directions means I'm still wrong. I’m a former kindergarten teacher and we are all about following directions!

 

Throughout all of this, I wonder why an older adult dismissed from the hospital without a diagnosis for what happened at a doctor's office that earned her an ambulance ride now has three more doctor appointments scheduled with two in one day. As you can see, the burden on my brain means my thoughts are little more than a run-on sentence.

 

So what am I crying about? My washer died. 

 

I am so very tired of anything medical: hospital smells, doctor's offices without handicap accessibility, no parking at the ER, wheelchairs, and bare-bones staffing at assisted living centers. I have two loved ones with iffy health conditions, but it is a washer stuck on a spin cycle that does me in. 

 

I am burdened by the health situation of people I love, the challenges of caring for them during covid. I am weighed down by lost income, rejections, and just plain nastiness of the past year. So it is a bit surprising that a load of jeans soaking in denim blue water makes me say

 

 I can't even

 

But isn't that the way it so often is? Life grows hectic, and we burden ourselves with the yoke of responsibility and get to work. Burdens pile on, and we dig deeper into our strength reserves. Before we realize it, the yoke we put on ourselves is too heavy to bear.

 

But, the yoke we carry around is made of the law. It is made of our sins, mistakes, pride, foolishness, and weaknesses. We think we are bearing the burden successfully, but in reality, we are not even close. We finally see the true picture when one more thing lands on our backs. 

 

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. Matthew 11: 28-30, ESV

 

These three verses don't make sense, do they? How is Jesus going to give us rest by giving us a new yoke to wear? If Jesus takes my handcrafted yoke and replaces it with another one, won't I just be burdened differently?

 

The answer, of course, is no!

 

The yoke I make for myself is heavy and full of regret, shame, and if I'm honest – anger. Jesus takes that yoke off my shoulders and sets it down at the foot of the cross. 

 

The yoke that Jesus gives me is the yoke of grace. In faint letters carved into it, we see mercy, forgiveness, agape love, strength, and peace. We don't feel the weight of these things because we did not create them. They are a gift from the Savior who earned them for us.

 

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5: 25, ESV

 

Wearing the yoke of Jesus, we not only experience remarkable gifts, but we also find ourselves walking in step with the Spirit. This path is a gift the law and our effort can never accomplish. Here we find rest. Here we find renewal and belonging. Here we find our path. We see the light that Jesus has borne before us. The light He bears for us now.

 

We find peace and we cry tears of relief and joy.

 

With this yoke, I can face whatever medical issues pop up next week. I can transport to appointments, hold hands, fill out forms, and maybe even face some of those medical portals. 

 

I might even find a replacement washer – in stock – with free delivery!

 

Thank you, Jesus.

 

 Caregivers carry an extra burden even as their work is done with love. Weary Joy is a book that brings you insight and peace as each chapter reminds you of God's love and what He does through you.

Weary Joy

 Amazon    Kindle    Concordia Publishing House

And a Merry Covid Christmas to All

 

We read the story of the birth of Jesus condensed into a few chapters, but it was several years of perplexing times. It began with unnerving visits from angels and the difficulty of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy scandal.  Once the Nazareth gossip mill moved on to other juicy news, the pair faced new challenges.

A government mandate forced Joseph to shut down his business while he and pregnant Mary traveled to Bethlehem. It was likely several years before they returned home, and his family's finances recovered.  The trip to Bethlehem must have left them emotionally and physically depleted, as they arrived in a town overflowing with people.

Certainly, in the throes of labor, young Mary wished with all her heart that these circumstances had not separated her from her mother.  Nothing felt familiar or safe or comfortable as she laid her newborn son in the scratchy hay of a manger.

The problematic years continued as political strife tore the community apart due to Herod's edict sentencing so many infants to death.  It is likely that everyone in the surrounding area knew of someone who had experienced a loss. Yet, thanks to the warning of strange visitors and a message in a dream, Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were safe and creating a new life in Egypt. Mary and Joseph may not have understood all that happened and did not know what lay ahead, but they knew they had Jesus.

The year 2020 has been a hard time for many of us. Some have seen a minor change in work schedules. Others have had lives turned upside-down with school at home, lost income, or separations from loved ones. Too many families have experienced severe illness or death of a loved one. Like Mary and Joseph, we have dug deep into our emotional reserves to steel ourselves for surviving. We wonder months later when the difficult things of this year will end, and we will be able to return to the familiar. We are still in the middle of the story. We may not know when the struggles of this year will end, but we do know we have Jesus.

That baby in the manger becomes the Savior on the cross. This hard time pales in comparison to the sacrifice of Christ. We stand in awe of a God who insists on loving us despite our weaknesses and failures. He loves us enough to send His Son to save and His Spirit to fill our hearts with strength and faith. The peace of this truth far outweighs our current experience. We are loved and loved perfectly.

Our prayers during this hard time are earnest and frequent. We pray for strength and safety and the peace that comes from knowing the end of the story. We long for the day when we can sum up this year in a few chapters of anecdotes, and we can see how God helped us to grow in our faith. We hope for this peace for you and yours, too. Like Mary and Joseph, we do not know how our story will proceed, but we know we have Jesus. God's word is trustworthy and true.

And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever. And he said to me, “These words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 22: 5-6a

Gratitude and Praise for the Win

I saw this clip and could think of little else besides 2020. Some days it seems that no matter what we try in order to survive, we get knocked down by a new circumstance of this bizarre year.

Whatever this guy is trying to achieve, we’ve got to give him credit for his persistence and enthusiasm. He seems to rush into each attempt as if he expects it to result in joy. He does not seem to mind finding himself half-naked and face-first on the mat, again, and again, and again. In a way, he is practicing Positive Psychology.

I am fascinated by Positive Psychology. Many branches of Psychology focus on what is not working: neurosis, anxiety, and other disorders. Positive Psychology looks at what’s right and why it works. Here we find the tools God gives us to survive: resilience, problem-solving, gratitude, and other coping skills.

I am not sure the man in the clip shows gratitude, but I know that gratitude is one of the most important of all of our coping skills. We do ourselves good when we feel or even express gratitude. Our emotions work carefully with our brains to not only help us learn but to help us react. Gratitude is an interesting emotion because it is also something we can practice. We feel gratitude, and that encourages us to practice it (e.g., say “thank you”), but we can also practice gratitude to feel it. For instance, the more we thank people, the more settled we become in our resiliency because we remind ourselves of people who care about us.

Praise has a similar practice/feeling connection. We are less likely to think of praising unless we make a point of practicing praise. This thinking puts a marker, of sorts, on our brain to look for good things to use for compliments. When we look for and praise good things, we develop good feelings. It is a beautiful loop of encouragement. Praising someone else makes us feel better.

When we practice praise or gratitude, we strengthen particular neural pathways that will be activated when needed.  We physically fill our brains with neurons connected to happiness and confidence. Psychologists will say this broadens the mind because it allows us to feel good emotions even during a negative situation. We do not ignore the negative. Instead, the negative gets connected to healthy emotions, such as a sense of peace and confidence.

I have read about this connection between practicing and feeling and brain changes, but I find the most compelling evidence in scripture.

We can see this in the Psalm below. Psalm 85 is likely from the time after the Babylonian exile. While I am sure those who returned experienced joy, their reality was complicated and tough. They came back to a barren and desolate land with no temple for worship. Look how the psalmist begins to put things into perspective:

Lord, you were favorable to Your land;
    You restored the fortunes of Jacob.
You forgave the iniquity of Your people;
    You covered all their sin. Selah
You withdrew all Your wrath;
    You turned from Your hot anger.

Restore us again, O God of our salvation,
    and put away Your indignation toward us!
Will You be angry with us forever?
    Will You prolong Your anger to all generations?
Will You not revive us again,
    that Your people may rejoice in You?
Show us Your steadfast love, O Lord,
    and grant us Your salvation.

The daunting task ahead of them likely made them feel the punishment of the exile was not quite finished. In the next set of verses, the psalmist moves away from grief and toward the promises of God. He seeks out what is good amid the strife:

Let me hear what God the Lord will speak,
    for He will speak peace to His people, to His saints;
    but let them not turn back to folly.
 Surely His salvation is near to those who fear Him,

that glory may dwell in our land.
  

And look what the change in emotional expression leads us to. The final verses focus on praise and gratitude and abound with the confidence of faith:

Steadfast love and faithfulness meet;
    righteousness and peace kiss each other.
Faithfulness springs up from the ground,
    and righteousness looks down from the sky.
Yes, the Lord will give what is good,
    and our land will yield its increase.
Righteousness will go before Him
    and make His footsteps a way. Psalm 85 ESV © 2001 Crossway

 

Practicing gratitude and praise when it feels more appropriate to wallow in sadness and worry creates a path for God’s steadfast love and faithfulness meet our need. His plan is to care for us and to do so in a way that helps us to grow stronger. 

It is easy and natural to feel gratitude and praise when things go well, yet we often forget to practice them when we are distracted by the good in our life. When we neglect the practice of gratitude and praise, we are too likely to begin to have faith in our ability to create good things.

When we experience grief and worry we are not so tempted to credit ourselves through praise. When we feel sadness, anxiety, or frustration, we can stop and give credit where credit is due. Not to blame God for troubles, but to remember and revel in His gracious mercy.

Take advantage of this time of frustration and practice gratitude and praise. Then watch God help you grow. Use scripture as your tool, and God will grow your faith, also.

God’s peace and strength are ours.